An invitation is not a complicated thing. So why do people seem to have problems with it?

Whether you're asking a friend to go to a movie, your mother to do your laundry, or someone special to join you on a date, an invitation follows simple rules. Just like a news story, an invitation consists of: who, what, when, where, why (and sometimes how). Doesn't matter whether the invitation is engraved on elegant stationary or shouted over a cubicle wall, the same form is used.

Would [who] like to [what] (optional with [who]) at [where] on [when]?

"Would you like to go to a movie with me at the Mall on Saturday night?" is a wonderful invitation. Adding a "why" could help make the offer more inviting, such as "That new movie we were talking about just opened" or "I'm buying" or even "It'll be fun!" might do the trick. Better yet, start with the WHY! Mix up the who, what, where. The order is irrelevant, just make sure you actually ask what you really want to ask!

"What are you doing Saturday night?" Is not an invitation. It's a question you might get from your mother -- or your parole officer. It's a great question for a stalker, but not from a potential date.

Why do you care what plans a person already has? All you want to know is if they want to go to the movie or not. Just because I planned to climb Everest on Saturday, doesn't mean I might not change my mind in favor of your invitation. But if I first answer the irrelevant question about my activities and say I have plans, then you might never even ask about the movie. Who knows, you might be the proverbial "better offer" that comes along!

But my worst pet peeve is people who ask "Are you doing anything Saturday?" Well, yes, thank you, I lead a full and exciting life. I appreciate you inquiring!

I'm always doing something! Even if I'm just sitting on my posterior in front of the bube tube, I'm doing something.

Yes, I know, it's hard to face rejection when you ask someone to share their time with you. Believe me, I've had my share of rejections. In the "liberated" eighties I often took the opportunity to ask gentleman out. Most took the opportunity to say, "No." Some even said, "No way!"

That first "no" felt like a slap across the face. The second "no" wasn't much better .... come to think of it, that 100th "no" was even worse than the first! Of course, I said, "Oh, well, their loss." That was easy to say, and nearly impossible to mean. The only comfort was when I did get that occasional "yes"! ... ah, YES!

But using weasel words doesn't ease the pain of rejection. What if the answer to your off-point question of "What are you doing Saturday night?" is "nothing"? How much worse are you going to feel if the person then turns you down. By not first asking about plans, you're giving a person the option to reject your invitation ... not to reject YOU!

So, here's my invitation: Would you like to comment about this latest SOAPBOX article by adding a message below?

See how simple it is!

By Dana Eugene Creasy (Deecee322) on Unrecorded Date:

Dear Friends of Jo:

This message is courtesy of my fiancee, who got a real charge out of today's "Soapbox Derby" entry... I sent Jo's post on to her, as it reminded me very much of her mindset, being of a like age and, apparently, demeanor (not to mention misdemeanor)...

"Surprisingly, or perhaps not so surprisingly, or maybe you might be surprised if not, I agree with her. The better question would have been, If you aren't doing anything better this weekend, would you like to go with me to see that movie we've been discussing around the office. This way, it gives BOTH parties some relief. Relief from rejection and relief from the "oh shoot... I'm
gonna devastate him/her." AND it gives the askee the excuse to say, "I'm going to be busy cutting my toenails/washing my cat/dating someone MUCH BETTER than you could ever hope to be/watching Brady Bunch re-runs", 'etc., etc, etc.'(courtesy of "The King and I")"

Scary, ain't it? There might be two Jo's in this world? Now, if I could just make mine a Combat! fan... yeah, yeah, I know, I know...